


The Zoo

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys have a day off while at a conference and decide to visit the zoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Zoo

**Author's Note:**

> More of a vignette than a story.

## The Zoo

by Landis McQuade

Author's disclaimer: The characters are the property of PetFly and Paramount. No money is being made by me.

* * *

JIM: /What/ is wrong now? 

BLAIR: It's hot man. You're not even breaking a sweat, what's wrong with you? 

JIM: I lived in the jungle for a year and half. 

BLAIR: Yeah, yeah, but that was like ages ago. 

JIM: What is with you? You're always complaining about how cold it is, I thought you'd be happy with a little humidity. 

BLAIR: Humidity in an equatorial climate is one thing, humidity coupled with the accumulated cloud of four cities worth of pollution hanging overhead is entirely another concept altogether. 

JIM: Sandburg, just take off your shirt. 

BLAIR: (mumbling) Don't you wish. 

JIM: I wish you'd shut up already. What's the problem here, Chief? You're wearing a tank top underneath. Worried the little girls will think a primate escaped from the Great Ape House? 

BLAIR: Ha, ha. We're in public. 

JIM: Last time I checked wearing a tank top wasn't considered public indecency. 

BLAIR: You know, Jim, that's actually an interesting topic. I mean, after all we men can go around shirtless but wo... 

JIM: Not now. What do you say we do the Valley Trail first? 

BLAIR: Yeah, whatever. (looks at his map) Hey look man, they've got an Australian exhibit. We should have brought Conner along. 

JIM: I'm sure she's seen it all before. (irritated) Besides, /she's/ taking in the National Gallery. 

BLAIR: Compromise, Jim. You'll get your pick tomorrow. 

JIM: Cascade Zoo not good enough for you? 

BLAIR: They don't have a panda. Where else am I going to see a panda? 

(Jim and Blair approach the Panda exhibit. Jim pulls Blair back as he starts towards it) 

JIM: That's on the Olmstead Trail. 

BLAIR: Nnh, nnh, na, who cares? Be spontaneous. 

(Blair walks up to the sign saying that even though Hsing Hsing is dead the exhibit hall is still open. Blair's enthusiasm is gone) 

BLAIR: Jim, the panda died. 

JIM: Yeah. Last year sometime right? November I think. 

BLAIR: You knew the panda was dead and you didn't tell me? 

JIM: You're a scientist. 

BLAIR: Anthropology, zoology, big difference there. 

JIM: (shrugs) It /was/ national news. You want to go in anyway? 

BLAIR: (punching Jim's arm) I cannot believe you. You knew how excited I was about seeing the panda. Why didn't you tell me? 

JIM: Are you telling me that if you knew the panda was dead I'd be in an air conditioned museum zoning on The Dancer instead of trying not to gag on the overwhelming stench of animal shit? 

BLAIR: (giving Jim a nasty look) The Renoir's not going anywhere. And according to the website they've got some great jungle cats. 

JIM: This is my life. 

BLAIR: You didn't have to come. 

JIM: And unleash you on the unsuspecting population of our nation's capital? We're at a conference. And I have no jurisdiction to come in and save your butt if you get into trouble. 

(Blair opens the door to exhibit hall wide enough for him to enter but not wide enough for Jim. It slams back and hits Jim on the face. Blair is looking over the display of all the letters children wrote to the panda when they heard he was sick) 

BLAIR: (emotional) Kids have such an amazing capacity for love. (Jim grunts) Says here they're working on negotiations with Chinese officials to bring some pandas back to the zoo. 

(Jim places a hand on Blair's back and guides him out the exit) 

JIM: You okay? 

(They share an I love you so much, I wish I could tell you wistful look) 

BLAIR: Australian Pavillion's this way. 

(Blair and Jim are walking the path when Blair stops in front of a closed exhibit) 

BLAIR: Another one! How many is that now? 6 out of 8 exhibits closed? And those poor birds man, trapped by that mesh dome. Zoos suck. Why did we come here? 

JIM: What, you'd rather some exotic bird flap its wings only to land on the windshield of some tractor trailer causing a nine car pile up in the process? 

BLAIR: Do you ever stop being a cop? I'd prefer for them to have the whole sky to spread their wings. 

JIM: It's a chance for people to see animals they would never get to see... 

BLAIR: Save it. I know the argument. It still sucks. Animals shouldn't be caged. It's not right. 

JIM: You want to leave? 

BLAIR: No, no we're here. Might as well not waste an educational opportunity. 

JIM: Here we are. (Jim steers Blair toward the door) Amazonia. 

BLAIR: (enthusiasm returning) Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll have some info on local tribes. Make you homesick? Bring back good memories? 

(They enter the building and start touring) 

JIM: Of what? Fiberglass trees? 

(They exit the exhibit and head to the Bat Cave) 

Inside the Bat Cave. 

BLAIR: I can't see anything. 

JIM: They're nocturnal. 

BLAIR: Help me out here. 

JIM: (focusing his eyesight) Over there. 

(Jim grabs Blair's wrist and slides it over the glass and stops it right in front of where a group of bats are hanging from a rock. Blair leans in towards Jim) 

BLAIR: Are you watching them navigate? Pay attention, all right? I still think bat echo location is something to look into. 

JIM: (watching Blair) No. 

(Blair is now pressed against Jim and slightly turned. They are looking at each other intensely. Jim slowly lowers his head. Just as their lips are millimetres apart a group of loud noisy children enter and start banging against the glass. They pull apart quickly) 

JIM: Great Cats? 

BLAIR: (breathless) As in plural? Double the fun? Lead on. 

At the Great Cats exhibit. 

BLAIR: How can there be two males? 

JIM: Chief, this isn't the dark continent. It's a zoo. I think they're somewhat tame. Besides you're thinking of wolves. 

BLAIR: Nope, lions are extremely territorial. There can only be one alpha male. 

JIM: I think you're wrong there Chief. Lions run in prides and coalitions. And I don't think the same set of social constructs apply to lions raised in a cage. I don't know. Why don't you read the placards. You might learn something. 

BLAIR: (a bit tiffed that Jim knows something he doesn't) Are you implying my biology is a little rusty? 

JIM: Hey, Sandburg you're the one who said you weren't a zoologist. What's the big deal? 

BLAIR: The big deal man is that I'm supposed to be the scientist here. Not you. I'm the one who's supposed to be giving lectures. I'm supposed to be the untapped font of information. 

JIM: Who's being territorial now? 

BLAIR: What's that supposed to mean? 

JIM: It means that you're just pissed because the red wolf wouldn't come out. You've got wolves on the brain is all I'm saying. 

BLAIR:(mumbling) Wolves on the brain. That's good. So what if I do? So what if I don't know everything? Here hold this. 

(Blair roughly shoves his backpack at Jim while he wipes some sweat away from his neck and pulls his hair into a ponytail. Jim watches in fascination. When Blair is finished Jim returns the pack and then turns his attention to the lions, one of whom is tongue bathing another) 

JIM: Regain your cool? 

BLAIR: Yeah. 

JIM: Good. Now what were you saying about grooming behaviors and mating rituals? 

BLAIR: You really want to know? 

JIM: Yeah, go for it. Demonstrate your domination. 

(Blair starts babbling and they walk around some more) 

BLAIR: See, see that? No more white tigers because of inbreeding. Inbreeding! It's not bad enough we interfere in our own human evolution, we have to screw it up for other species as well? We fight for the conservation of animal life so that the endangered species list isn't longer than the naughty files on Santa's gigabyte super disc and then we turn around and decide to destroy the very animals we're fighting to preserve for showmanship and arrogance? Where's the logic in that? 

JIM: I'm sure some of your colleagues have some interesting theories on that. 

BLAIR: Physical anthropology's pretty fascinating stuff, Jim. 

JIM: I'm sure it is. 

(They've walked around the circle. Blair seems distressed) 

JIM: What is it? 

(Blair ignores him and is following the movements of a zoo employee who is backing up a golf cart to a nearby gate. When he is finished and climbs out of the cart Blair walks over to him) 

BLAIR: Do you work here? 

ZOO EMPLOYEE: (sizing up Blair, not liking what he sees) Yes. Is there a problem? 

BLAIR: As a matter of fact there is a problem. This exhibit is not representative of the world's diverse cat population. Your website claims that you have cats that I definitely do not see strolling about over there.(points to the cat enclosure) 

ZOO EMPLOYEE: Is that so? 

(Jim is close to Blair, ready for defensive action) 

BLAIR: Lions and tigers are great, but where are the lynx's, the leopards, the pumas, the jaguars... 

(Jim glances at Blair in surprise) 

ZOO EMPLOYEE: There is a leopard in the Small Mammal House. 

BLAIR: Oh, that's great. That's just great. I wanted to see a jaguar damnit! It's bad enough the panda died. And I like really wanted to see that panda and now you're telling me I can't see the jaguar? The website said you had a spotted jaguar. I saw the picture. Where is it? Huh? Where? 

(Blair is in hyper mode and pissed off, pointing his finger inches from the man's chest. Zoo Employee is backing away. Jim places a restraining hand on Blair) 

ZOO EMPLOYEE: Get cable. They have an animal channel now. 

BLAIR: Like that compares to the real thing? 

JIM: Blair, buddy, calm down. 

(Blair turns to face Jim, removes Jim's hand from his wrist, throws up his hands in disgust and walks over to the Serval exhibit) 

JIM: (to employee) Sorry about that. 

ZOO EMPLOYEE: Animals aren't the ones that belong in zoos. 

(Very catlike, Jim spins and stalks closer to the man and emits a low growl and then goes on to catch up with Blair who is perched over the rail of the Caracal's home watching the creature pace back and forth along the perimeter of its fenced in enclosure) 

JIM: Do they do that naturally? 

BLAIR: It says that they're very territorial. 

JIM: Oh? Them too? Are we a threat? 

BLAIR: (understanding the true meaning behind Jim's question, waves around pointing to the apartment buildings less than 50 feet away) Nope, not us. Outside influences. This isn't its native habitat. 

JIM: Some creatures are pretty adaptable. 

BLAIR: Like anthropologists? 

JIM: And sentinels. 

(They give each other 100 watt smiles and then walk on to the Great Ape House) 

Inside Great Ape House. 

BLAIR: Now remember not to look directly at them. 

JIM: Yeah, Darwin, sign of aggression. I remember. By the way, Chief, you never did tell me why Larry was wearing a diaper. 

(Blair tugs at Jim's sleeve and walks slowly toward the ape cage, only looking at them over his shoulder. The mama ape is breastfeeding her baby, turned from the group of onlookers while the daddy ape is hugging her from behind and shielding her from her unwanted audience) 

BLAIR: You know Jim, there's only a minor difference in the genetic... 

JIM: Just enjoy the moment, okay? 

BLAIR: I can do that. I can appreciate a living picture of beauty. 

(Blair takes Jim's hand and squeezes. They remain that way for several seconds before moving on) 

Inside Small Mammal House 

JIM: Distant cousin of yours, Sandburg? 

(Blair follows Jim's gaze to the mongoose, shakes his head and moves a few exhibits down and comes to a stop) 

BLAIR: No, but I think your sister is behind door number five here, man. 

(Jim walks over to where Blair is standing in front of the leopard. It is dark but she is perched near the window and starts hissing as Jim approaches) 

BLAIR: Whoa! What do you think she's saying? 

JIM: She's tracking movement. They don't see very well. 

BLAIR: (lightbulb going off in brain) We should test this sometime. 

JIM: Test what? 

BLAIR: Cat language. They're pretty intuitive creatures. You're spirit guide is a panther. Maybe there's some way you can communicate with them. Whoa, this could be incredible. Think of the possibilities, the scientific discoveries. 

JIM: Maybe we should test you and see if you know how to talk to wolves. 

BLAIR: Oh no, no. This is not about me. What if you like had some kind of sixth sense? 

(Jim grabs Blair's elbow and steers him forward) 

Outside Perimeter of Zoo near parking lots 

JIM: It's this way. 

BLAIR: I don't think so. Connecticut Ave. is that way. We passed that food stand on the way in. 

JIM: Sandburg we didn't pass any food stands on the way in. If you're hungry just say so. But we aren't eating here. 

BLAIR: I could do lunch. (Blair checks his watch) We could get sandwiches somewhere and eat down at The Mall. That way we'd still have a few hours to check out the National Gallery. 

JIM: (walking in the right direction) Sounds good. 

(They start walking towards the Metro station) 

Inside subway car 

(The subway is crowded and they are standing chest to chest, their bodies swaying together) 

JIM: So you wanted to see a jaguar? 

BLAIR: Thought it'd be nice. 

JIM: You probably could find one without going to a zoo. 

BLAIR: Yeah? 

JIM: Yeah. 

(The car lurches and Blair slams into Jim who places his hands on Blair's waist to steady him) 

BLAIR: So you gonna give me directions or what? 

JIM: (confused) For what? 

BLAIR: For where to find this jaguar that's not in a zoo. 

JIM: 852 Prospect, #307, think you can find it? Or do you need a map? Not that you know how to read one. 

(Blair slides a hand in one of Jim's back jean pockets, Jim jumps, somewhat startled) 

BLAIR: Who needs maps? I know exactly where I'm going. 

JIM: Where's that, Chief? 

(Blair stretches on tiptoes to kiss Jim. When the kiss ends Blair snuggles into Jim's neck) 

BLAIR: Home. With you. Where I belong. 

(Jim releases one arm from Blair's waist so that he can caress Blair's hair) 

JIM: Always, Blair, always. 

BLAIR: Jim? 

JIM: Mmh, hmm? 

BLAIR: So, how about that J. Edg... 

JIM: (laughing) No. You missed your chance. If you wouldn't have jumped on the wrong bus... 

BLAIR: Hey, hey. Honest mistake. Could've happened to anyone. 

JIM: We are not touring the FBI. You've seen the Cascade branch office, you've had the displeasure of working with various employees of the agency, why on earth do you want to go there? 

BLAIR: It's supposed to be a good tour. And the building is air conditioned. 

JIM: Blair? 

BLAIR: Mmm, hmm? 

JIM: You're an anthropologist, right? 

BLAIR: (squeezes Jim's ass) You catch on quick. 

JIM: And we're in D.C., right? 

BLAIR: Well we're in Washington and it's not raining, so it can't be the state of. 

JIM: So, why the hell aren't you salivating at the chance to haunt the hallowed halls of the Smithsonian? 

(The car lurches to a stop, they untangle themselves and jump out, Blair still doesn't answer. They climb the stairs to street level and exit near the Capitol building) 

BLAIR: Come on, Jim. All dinosaur bones look alike, but men with big guns... 

The End 


End file.
